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Pop quiz, hot shot. You drive into a parking lot or structure, and you're looking for a space. It's really crowded today, and there is a line of cars behind you. You see a car backing out or an empty space (either will do), but alas, you've driven too far ahead! The only way you can get into the space is to back up. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?
I'll tell you what you DON'T do. You DON'T back up, jerk. There are cars behind you, all waiting. Do you expect 5 cars to reverse just for you? They weren't the ones who decided to drive too quickly in a parking lot. They shouldn't have to suffer for your inattention. It's an unwritten rule: Once you pass the space, you forfeit all rights to it. Man, one of these days, I'm just gonna...
There needs to be a law requiring people to stick air fresheners in public restrooms. Or candles. Or provide matches. Or just something, anything! Don't people have any mercy for the innocents in the general population? I think I may faint.
You know what these anti-carbs people are? Evil, I tell you! Evil!
This morning, I was in a rush to get out of the house. I opened the fridge to see if there was anything I could eat on the go for breakfast. I saw all these slimfast cans. If I'm going to have a liquid breakfast, I usually prefer something fruity, but I figured, how bad could it be? Well, let's see. Not only was this a slimfast shake, but it was a slimfast shake that was for people on low-carb diets. It was so gross. It claimed to be chocolate-flavored. Right. It was this odd consistency...kind of watery...and somewhat chalky. However, in addition to the taste I typically associate with these sorts of shakes was this other subtly disturbing taste that I cannot describe with words, other than to say that it was yucky. I was taught to finish my food, so I drank it all like a good girl, but dang, it was difficult. Even as I type, a look of utter disgust cannot help but creep up on my face as I remember the horrific experience of the morning.
This whole anti-carb craze has gotten way out of control. First we have low-carb shakes and now we have this ridiculous C2 and Pepsi Edge with 1/2 the calories, 1/2 the carbs? It's just a marketing scam! They just replaced half the sugar with Nutrasweet for goodness' sake! If you're so scared of carbs, just drink diet soda...or better yet, drink water! You're not going to be healthy if all you do is try to manipulate your diet. Nothing will happen if you just deprive yourself of carbs and don't get that heart pumping. Get your ass off of the couch! I mean, I'm a fatass, but I know why! Because I sit on my butt all day! I mean, why not exercise so that you can eat a balanced meal with carbs? Deprive myself of bread? Gawd, I'd rather die.
Do not, I repeat, do not ever buy Arm & Hammer Dental Care gum. It is gross! I ran out of gum the other day and when to the school pharmacy to replenish. Unfortunately, A&H Dental Care is the only brand they sell. Being desperate, I bought some. What a mistake!
I stuck some in my mouth. The thoughts that ran through my head went something like this: "Hmm...not too sweet...minty blast...wha...salty? Wha? Ewwwww!" Gum should not be salty! Ever! Who's the big fat genius who thought of this concept? Now I have this huge pack of gum that grosses me out! But something in me refuses to throw the entire pack away. I paid for it, and I want to get full use out of it. So now I've taken to stuffing 2-3 pieces in my mouth at once in order to finish the pack off faster.
Gross. Blecch.
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