This blog is by an easily irritated and provoked person. The messages and thoughts on this blog do not reflect the views of the blogger when she is in a calm, rational state. And no, it is not "that time of the month," you sexist pig.


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Thursday, July 19, 2007
Here are a couple of driving tips from me to you. First, if you don't plan on going faster than 45 mph, DON'T DRIVE ON THE FREEWAY. Seriously, why would you do that? The whole point of getting on the freeway is to get from point A to point B in less time. If you're trying to set a new record for longest amount of time to travel the shortest distance, which I presume is your goal given the snail's pace you have decided to set, then the freeway is just going to decrease your time. You're just hurting yourself. So don't do it. It makes me really, really mad. And bad things happen when I get really, really mad.

"But," you whine, "it's not my fault! I'm not trying to drive slowly. My dinky little ride just can't go that fast!" Well, tough. That's no excuse. If you can't handle the speed, GET OFF THE ROAD. I mean it.

Second, don't be that guy who drives all fast, moves into the number one lane, and then for no reason and with no warning, decelerates well below the speed limit and just coasts at 40mph in the fast lane. DON'T BE THAT GUY. Nobody likes that guy. You know what everyone thinks about that guy? They all think he's a douche bag. Don't be a douche bag. I loathe douche bags. You know what would make him an even bigger douche bag? If, after crawling at 40 mph in the fast lane for a good 7 minutes, he decides to move into the number two lane mere MOMENTS after I, having expended all of my already paltry daily portion of patience, have gone into the very same lane in an attempt to pass him. That is the greatest douche bag move of all.

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