|
|
 |
A lot of drivers in Los Angeles suck; I am well aware of that fact. I can't even count the number of times I've complained about my fellow drivers in this blog, let alone outside of the virtual world.
However, I do not appreciate when people tell me how great the drivers in their hometown are compared to L.A. drivers. Yeah, you know who you are. You are pompous asses. News flash: crappy drivers are EVERYWHERE. A large number of drivers in your hometown suck too. They just suck in a different way. They suck in a way that you "get" because you have spent your entire life driving with their particular brand of suckiness, and chances are, when you're in my hometown, you're the bad driver.
Let's say you're a non-native of Los Angeles driving on the 210 in the fast lane (and yes, down here we prefix our freeways and routes with "the") and some dude is kissing your bumper even though you're careening at a respectable 80 mph. You might be wondering why. Well, the reason is because you're in L.A.! We have a need for speed! We have beaches to chill at, celebrities to rub elbows with, cool restaurants to hit, and tons more stuff to do, and we needed to be there five minutes ago. Sure, kissing your bumper at 80 mph might be uncool, but you know what? When that happens, here's a tip: MOVE OVER INTO THE SLOWER LANE. It's the one to the right of you, in case you're an idiot. Which I think you just might be. If you're not going fast, you don't get to drive in the fast lane. That's just how we roll. Literally. Ok, maybe that was a lame hip hop reference. While you're thinking, "Why is that assclown driving so fast?," the said assclown (as well as all the other Angelenos around you) is thinking, "Who's the assclown who won't move into the slow lane?"
Now, take a Los Angeleno and plunk him down in the Bay Area, somewhere like the East Bay. The speed-focused Angeleno is now completely confused by the "devil may care" attitude of East Bay drivers who apparently don't use the "slower traffic to the right" rule. The Angeleno is driving at an enjoyable 75 mph in what he thinks is the fast lane. Silly Angeleno, fast lanes are for Southern California. No, in the East Bay, you must be prepared for people who will drive 90 mph, just so they can pass you...and then slow to 55 mph FOR NO APPARENT REASON. The "fast lane" could be the right lane. For 2 minutes. After which, it could be the middle lane. Who knows?! An East Bay native is inured to this kind of idiotic behavior whereas the Angeleno is not. The Angeleno doesn't understand the pleasure with which East Bay drivers change lanes and speeds in an intricate and stupid dance only they understand. Did I say stupid? I meant "special."
In short, Los Angeles drivers are not the only ones who suck. You suck too.
 |
|
